you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
