Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
