Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
