Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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