No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just puked most of my soul out..
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