..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
