I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
