So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
