I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
