i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
