He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
