I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
