Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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