when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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