it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was CRYING into my vagina
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
