I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
