all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize