I heard we made out
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize