i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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