when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
