Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize