the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
