you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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