You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
