At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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