I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
even my farts smell like vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
