I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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