As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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