don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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