i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
