At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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