So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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