She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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