When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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