Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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