Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want a musical about memes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
