It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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