that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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