I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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