That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize