mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
