I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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