; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
