Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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