Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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