dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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