eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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