I wannas sexs uuuuu
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
