dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
