it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're my little dorito
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
