if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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