how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
