Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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