Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
