it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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