I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
