I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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