sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
