She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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