I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
