i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
