Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
