if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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