Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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