Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
