Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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