Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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