I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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