I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
