I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
