you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
