Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
