I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
