i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
