mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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