Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't notice because vodka
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
