Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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