I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
