every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
