I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
