I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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